Dear Ebay,

Dear Ebay,
Your motto is very catchy, "Whatever it is . . . you can get it on Ebay." However, as catchy as this may be, it is not true. I recently searched for a few grams of Makaibari's Plantation Darjeeling Tea, the world's most expensive tea, and was not able to locate it . . . hmm? What do you have to say for yourself now Ebay? I guess you don't have everything.

I also looked for Weapons Grade Uranium, and although plentiful in pre-war Iraq, I was not able to find it on Ebay. It has to be somewhere, I mean, it wasn't there when we invaded.

I also searched for the missing 18.5 minutes of Richard Nixon's Oval Office tapes, but was unable to locate them on your site . . . Truth Hunter 3, Ebay 0.

I was able to find a bottle of Chateau Petrus, but it wasn't the 82 that I was looking for, it was a Grand Vin from an off year. I still keep racking up victories here.

I also looked for my favorite made-up word, clogdenfoffer, but was unable to find that.

Therefore, I hope you'll consider revising your motto to "We've got a lot of stuff." It's simple and true.

Sincerely,
Man who still loves Ebay